Being Fat With An Eating Disorder

This blog post was written by me in May of 2017, a lot has changed since then but I still find this article very important. At this point in my life, I haven’t learned to love myself. For example, in the article I state that I don’t know how my boyfriend finds me attractive. I no longer feel that way, but I know so many people who do. Know that you aren’t along.

As most people know, I have pretty much been a plus-sized woman my whole life. Even when I was 10 years old, I had to shop in the women’s section to fit into clothes. However, when I entered high school I lost almost 100lbs, but not in a healthy way. I did the “special K diet”, which is when you eat cereal for breakfast and lunch, then whatever you want for dinner. I also did 100 sit-ups a day, and ran a few miles every day. At one point I was eating 500 calories a day and burning double if not triple that. Obviously this wasn’t healthy and my doctor even warned me that I was developing an eating disorder.

Sometimes I bring this up to people today and because I’m now overweight, they cast that idea off and even make fun of me for thinking that I once had an eating disorder. Well, here is what I have to say to them: just because I gained the weight back doesn’t mean my eating disorder mindset isn’t there. It’s something I struggle with often and even though I’m not skinny, I still hate my body, I still…